***Free Writing, Grammatical Errors***
I DON’T CARE, LOL
I’m always on here writing about confidence, providing uplifting material and motivational pieces in hopes to help others even if it’s just one person. Hell maybe even help myself. I can applaud myself because I have gotten feedback from other readers letting me know that the things I’ve posted has helped. That makes me feel AMAZING! However, the help for myself was only temporary and I learned that a few days ago.
I am a strong person naturally. I hold everything in, don’t like to talk about my issues or problems (who does). I don’t like to go to anyone for help, EVER! BUT I always find myself helping everyone else and forget to help myself. If something is wrong, I work through it and just keep going. I hardly ever deal with it.
Well with all of that comes a breakdown, EVENTUALLY. And mine came. I felt like just giving up. What I was working for wasn’t worth it anymore. I didn’t want to keep going. I just wanted to throw it all away. People I thought I could rely on, weren’t there. Left me high and dry with no care in the world as to how I was going to be affected. I cried, I yelled and anything else I felt was necessary for me to get out of this place. Typing that just made me tear up in itself because I’m not that person. I wasn’t raised to be that person. But its how I felt and it was real.
It honestly felt good to relieve the stress or burden that I was putting on myself but also, to me, it felt like the worst feeling ever. I know, how can that be?
It felt great because I let down this wall to finally be nothing but my emotions. Kind of like a sigh of relief. Even if it was only for a moment, it’s not a feeling that I get to allow myself to feel very often. Fault of my own but whatever. Regardless it felt great to just let it all go. A weight was lifted.
For all of those same reasons is exactly why it was the worst feeling. The feeling of being VULNERABLE! I battle with this often. I’m use to being the strong one. Holding back tears so someone else could cry and I be the shoulder to lean on. Push back my feelings so that someone else can vent. Allowing others to be vulnerable but never being vulnerable. I know not good but it’s what I’m use to. It has worked for me and still does.
During these rare times I realize that it is OK to not be OK all the time. It’s life and no matter what you can’t change that. I may not realize it in the moment but I do maybe a few hours to a day later. It is ok to be broken, as long as you work to pick up the pieces. It is okay to be hurt as long as you don’t allow it to take overall feeling. It is ok to cry, it shows you’re human and have feelings. It is ok to fail even if it happens more than once as long as you learn, grow, and don’t give up. IT IS OK!!!!
If you are going through something, allow yourself time to just release your emotions. If you’re angry, YELL. Sad, CRY. Stressed, ALL OF THE ABOVE lol. Just let it go. It doesn’t have to be done in front of others. Go off by yourself and just be. Me, I like to find water, with my pen and paper & just sit & write. When I start writing the tears just start flowing. No one is around and that time allows me to just be one with my feelings. Feel how I want to feel and be vulnerable. If you can’t be with others at least be vulnerable with yourself.
Find what works for you. Find people who are in your corner and hold on to them. Especially if they have your best interest at heart and vice versa.
I refuse to be a blogger who only portrays the positive and the perfect because not everything is positive and NOTHING is perfect. I am a real human behind my words and real life still exist. Remember that 🙂
How do you deal with the stresses of life?
Until next time loves ❤